What’s up with greeting cards?

I never know what to “do” with them after reading them. Is there some mandatory hold time before I can dispose of them? Does it depend on who its from? Or what about the occasion?

I have decided to appoint myself the Definitive Card Disposal Expert. Here are the new guidelines:

Birthday cards:
Generally put on display from receipt until 2 days past birthday, then dispose.

Birthday cards from your insurance company, dentist, bank, Avon Lady or other institution:
Discard immediately after ensuring there isn’t a bill inside the card.

Birthday cards from people you wish you didn’t know:
Tear into little pieces without reading then return to sender postage due.

Christmas cards:
Display cards from family & friends festively, the cards can be left up as long as New Year’s day, then dispose by tearing the covers off and giving to the Girl/Boy Scouts for recycling at nursing homes.

Christmas cards from people you used to live next to but who moved away 10 years ago:
Only display these if the card is truly fabulous and you didn’t see it on sale at Walmart after Christmas last year.

Christmas cards that are really just form letters sent to everyone in the sender’s address book:
Turn these “cards” over and write “Who gives a shit?” and return to sender, postage due.

Thank You and Congratulation Cards:
Display this cards for one week IF you believe them to be sincere.

All other Thank You and Congratulation Cards:
All cards you believe you received just because the other person felt like they had to, discard immediately after reading and smirking.

Anniversary/Valentine’s day cards:
Display as necessary to not hurt partners feelings, then tuck card away to remember the good times.
Anniversary/Valentine’s day cards from anyone you are not having sex with:
Read, shudder and dispose.

Misc. Holiday cards (Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Yom Kippur, Arbor Day, Halloween and all other holidays you shouldn’t be sending a card for):
Read over the trash can and make mental note to yourself to not hang out with such losers.

Get Well/Sympathy cards:
These people took the time to send you a caring thought. Display until discharged from hospital or the body is in the ground.

Apology/Sorry Cards:
These people screwed up bad. Bad enough to have to send you a card instead of just saying the words to your back as you left the room. Do not make them feel bad by displaying their heartfelt note in public. Tuck away for the next time they screw up so you can remind them “three strikes and you’re out”.