Empty your pockets... Now!

So I finally got to participate in the annual company skeet shoot. I was so excited I woke up early, like a kid on Christmas morning. Big Princess, Gym Buddy, and I went to the range the night before for a little last minute practice and to ensure the shotgun was truly repaired. I shot pretty well considering those two can't toss a pigeon by hand worth a crap.


So I drive three hours and get there right on time. The only problem is that when I have to get up at 4:30 am, pack, and hit the road at 6 am, I always hit Starbucks for a double latte. So I unload my gear and shelf my shotgun in the rack when I notice I have the "Starbuck's Shakes".


Crap! Maybe I can settle down before we get started in an hour. Then I notice that the ground every where is squishy. There is no dry ground anywhere. I get up there to take my three practice shots and all I can think of is "I'm gonna slip and go down with a shotgun loaded with three shells." I only manage to hit one of my three practice shots. I don't do much better during the first competition. Out of four shooters, I only make it to second.


All that practice and I cave under caffine and pressure.


The "Boys Club" wasn't being very generous with practice time after lunch and I got miffed and packed up. Wait, did I mention that it was 95 degrees and 128% humidity with no breeze what's so ever? I tend to get a little bitchy when I'm hot and sweating my ass off while standing in ankle deep muck. So at 2:30 pm I decided to go check into the hotel, clean up, rest up, put on dry clothes and return for dinner.


My second shower of the day was fabulous. It felt soooo gooood to be clean and dry. I put on my second outfit of the day and headed back to the function at 5:30 pm. Dinner was good. I won a very large canopy in the raffle, although I really wanted the shotgun, flat screened TV, ipod, digital camera, or humungous gas grill. We had some drinks and the service awards were given. Then twenty-two vehicles had to be pulled from the mud and everyone heads out for where ever they are going wet and covered in mud.

Its dark now and I head back to the hotel for shower number three and outfit number three. The 30 or so of us staying at the same hotel agree to meet at the pool for drinks and chit chat. We pull all the chairs around and spend a couple hours swapping lies and drinking. Some brave people even put on their swimsuits and get in the pool. (I have a rule about employees seeing me in my swimsuit--its not happening.) I'm standing by the pool when someone cannonballs and soaks me with pool water. Well its so humid that after an hour my shirt is still wet and I'm uncomfortable so I go back to my room and change into shirt number four, my last dry shirt.

I head back to the pool where the crowd has thinned to about ten people. I'm standing at the edge of the pool, chatting with the regional director about next year's management conference when suddenly I feel a hand grab my ankle. I look down and see one of the managers in the pool has a hold of my ankle and he's looking at the director. I turn my head to look at the manager when suddenly I'm dangling over the pool and the director shouts, "Empty your pockets.... Now! You're going in for all the times you've messed with us." (Come on, a couple of pranks, a remote controlled farting machine at a meeting, a fake dead rat in the hallway at a conference, and an inflatable sheep in one guys hotel room and I deserve this?)

"Wait!" I shout. "I've never done anything to either of you personnally," I tell them, stalling for time and trying to get my cell phone out of my pocket at the same time. Their admin. grabs the phone from my hand at the same time I become airborne. I come up sputtering for air and telling them "Thanks, I now have to drive home in my pajamas."

Everyone ends up in the pool, suit or no. Then, somehow, eight bags of What-a-Burger are delivered to the pool and we eat it all in the pool. Its finally decided to call it a night and I return to my room for shower number four and fall into bed at 3 am. I get up at 7 am and head home for another shower and a nap.

I'm already looking forward to next year. All I've got to say is "it's on, Southern Region. It's on."