Say it isn't so...

I get out of my car last night about 7 pm and I see 3 plastic grocery bags on the front porch... covered in flies. "Ick", I think to myself. "Wonder what that's all about."

As I approach the front door, the smell clues me in to what's in the bags. Poo! I pick up the bags and deposit them in the trash can, all the while wondering who or what is responsible for the contents.

Upon entering the house, all doubt of the contents of the bags was removed. If the smell hadn't clued me in, the various towels and wet spots confirmed my hypothsis. I proceded to the bedroom to see if Big Daddy was awake and wanted to tell me anything.

"Oh, hi. You are awake. Any chance Davie wasn't involved in whatever happened out there?" I ask him while pointing my thumb over my should in the direction of the rest of the house.

Big Daddy replies in a weary tone, "I'd like to tell you he's innocent but unfortunately, that's not the case."

"What the hell happened?" I groan while kicking off my shoes.

"He pooped, he peed and he vomitted."

"What?"

"Normally little princess is here and let's him out about 4 pm. I guess he couldn't hold it."

"He couldn't hold his vomit? Did he eat something bad or something he shouldn't have?"

"Here's what I think happened: Davie had to pee and when he could no longer hold it, he peed on the kitchen tile. He knew he was wrong and he began to pace. Back and forth, working himself up with dread. On one of his paces, his nervous bowels gave out and he crapped, not once but a semi runny pile across the carpet in the living room. Now he's freaking out, knowing he's in bbbiiiggg t r o u b l e!!! He's just standing there in the middle of the living room, looking at the mess when the bile in his throat starts to bubble up and he vomits the contents of his stomach."

"Ok, I'm with you. Then what happened?" I ask Big Daddy.

"Well, with the contents of his bladder and stomach relieved, he begins to feel much better so he lays down and takes a nap. The End."

"Did you kill him and bury him in the backyard?"

"I thought about it..."