I Survived

I take criticism personally, even constructive criticism. That’s not to say that I don’t want to hear it, just that it stings to have someone remember a time I wasn’t at 100 percent or that I might be lacking in some way.

Usually it’s the presentation of criticism that hurts the most. I don’t think many people know how to give feedback in a non-attacking kind-of-way. And the longer it takes to give or receive said feedback only makes it harder.

Hey, I don’t think I’m perfect and I always want to do better but there’s something about that annual performance review that starts the heart to pounding and the stomach turning. I always try to anticipate what flaws might be pointed out and come up with my rebuke or plan of change. The worst is when you are asked to fill out your own review and bring it to the meeting to compare with your boss’s version of your performance. Do you rate your self high, hoping to bring in a little bit more raise to the paycheck? Or do you rate yourself low, hoping your boss will pump you up with words of praise? Then there’s the dreaded “what if we are so far off from each other that we both wonder who we’re talking about?”

I’d almost rather get a papsmear than my annual review.

And who can remember how anyone performed for the past year. I can barely remember what I had for dinner yesterday, let alone why I didn’t complete a project on-time 9 months ago. These things are usually based on the last month or two’s performance. I’ve heard chatter from co-workers about how they can knock off the early mornings and late evenings as soon as the performance reviews are over this month.

I have been buried in projects to the point of insanity for several months now and producing results like crazy so I wasn’t too worried about my review today. Then with only hours to go, my boss discovers that I have somehow sent 3 permits to the government without their accompanying checks. It might have been better if I had discovered it, but on the other hand, it could have been worse if the government discovered it. I was horrified. I’ve been so busy I couldn’t remember sending the permits, let alone why I didn’t include the checks. I scrambled to correct the permits. I thought to myself, “there goes your review.”

Well its over now, at least until next year.

It was fine, just as most things we worry ourselves over are. My boss likes me and the job I’m doing, although I do have a tendency to be bossy and/or pushy.