New Years and old fears

Only one more holiday to get thru…

Then maybe my moods will even out and I won’t be so testy all the time. I have had periods of calm and joy but the bad times have been so very dark. I have either wanted to smote everyone around me or curl up and cry (mostly smote people). It’s these damn expectations. I have them for people around me and get let down (smote). Others have expectations of me and I let them down (cry).

Thank the Lord that New Year’s is not about giving or caring. I don’t have to cook, shop, or even clean. In past years we’ve gathered with friends for mild drinking and reminiscing. This year I’m not sure we’ll even do that.

I do always spend it with my husband, some superstition about who ever you’re with at the stroke of midnight, you’ll be with in the new year. I’m not so sure that its true but after 17 years why risk it.

I’m trying to convince my husband we should really go out. Ok, here’s my real plan: run by and have drinks at a couple of friends’ home, 2 or 3 at most, by then Big Princess should be off work. Now that she is 18 I’d like to go somewhere she could go with us. Hey, its hard to drink liquor, smoke dope, or have sex while hanging with your folks. Then end the night by picking up little princess and hiking up Comanche Hill at midnight to see the fireworks. Home and in bed no later than 1 pm. Well, that’s my plan.