Say "Pandemic Panic" 5 times really fast

The World Health Organization has said a bird flu pandemic might kill 150 million people worldwide.

The US government’s bird flu plan was announced last week and projects that 2 million Americans might die. According to the plan, the president should be prepared to send the Army into cities to put down bird flu riots. Robert Webster, a prominent influenza researcher, told ABC's World News Tonight that a pandemic might kill half of the human population. Mr. Webster says he is keeping a three-month supply of food and water at his home, apparently in case the American economy collapses during a bird flu outbreak. Ok, just like in 2000 for the Millennium.

The secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services recently advised Americans to stockpile six weeks' worth of food, water, and medicine in their homes, specifically powdered milk and tuna fish under the bed. There has even been speculation that "the Internet could shut down within two to four days" of a bird flu outbreak. What? I’m dying and can’t check my email?

All this for a disease that has only killed 113 people total worldwide in the last three years. Worldwide about 4 million have died in traffic accidents and at least 6 million people have died of diarrheal diseases in the three years. I know cause I almost died of a diarrheal disease myself. Ok, I just thought I was gonna die.

A bird flu pandemic seems extraordinarily unlikely. First, a pandemic would require significant mutation because as it currently stands is not transmissible from person to person. It can spread bird to bird, and bird to human but an infected person cannot transmit the disease to another person.

The vast majority of the people in the world never comes into close physical contact with birds (aside from fried chicken). So relax, the existing bird flu strain poses almost no threat and I think a one week supply of water, tuna and powdered mild is enough for anyone to keep under the bed.