Caught in the wrong panties. How embarassing!

Yep, you read it right. I was caught wearing the wrong panties. What's even worse? More than one person saw me wearing the wrong panties. What's worse than that? There is photographic evidence.

I was doing the stewardess part of my job, taking the corporate folks out to the field to view the amazing 42" pipeline construction. So I'm in the front of the tour bus, squatting down to talk to the bus driver and that's when someone, unbeknownst to me, snapped a picture of me with my low rise jeans and my high rise panties of the bright blue and green stripes.

I get back to the office yesterday and email pictures of everyone standing in front of the big pipe with hardhats on and what comes back to me? The photographic evidence that I have no idea how to dress myself.

I don’t care what you call it

If you made a movie starring Christian Slater, Johnny Depp, and Brendan Fraser, you could call it anything, even title it “The Crappiest Movie Ever”, and every woman and most of the effeminate men would see it and be like, “Wow, was that the greatest movie ever, or what?”

Show all three bare bottomed and I guarantee video sales will make you rich enough to buy your own country.

This is my dream…

Why I like them (besides their hot bodies and money):

Christian Slater
Allegedly groped a woman outside a deli in NY (and she sued him? I would have tipped him.)

Is among a host of stars who have teamed up to pledge their support for environmental awareness and is taking part in the “Explore Your Environment” campaign in collaboration with several clothing manufacturer. (Ahhhh, I think that means he’s pimping t-shirts.)

Plans to leave his former wild Los Angeles lifestyle behind for good by making London his permanent home. (Yeah, like there aren’t any parties in London. He’s just judge shopping in a new country for the next time his busts the paparazzi in the face.)

Johnny Depp
Sometimes Credited As: Oprah Noodlemantra (Well, my fake name is Duckie McCrackers, so there!)

Featured on a rock album from British band, 'Oasis'. Depp plays lead slide guitar on the track, "Fade In-Out". Oasis's own lead guitarist was too drunk to perform it himself, so Depp stepped in and nailed the lead on one take. (Wow, Johnny, I had that same dream but I woke up.)

Adopted Goldeneye, the one-eyed Andalusian horse who played Gunpowder, Ichabod Crane's steed, thereby saving him from the glue factory. (And where is this horse now? I never see him on the red carpet or in any of the tabloids. Come on, what kind of life is that?)

Brendan Fraser
Whenever appearing in a Pauly Shore movie, he uses the character name 'Link'. (How many movies with Pauly Shore has he been in?)

He speaks French fluently. (Add that to a smoking hot body and he’s funny… Sorry I just passed out from his hotness.)

Claims he seeks out roles combining 'silliness and sexiness'. (And man, is that working for him. I don’t care what movie he’s in, if the movie sucks, I watch it with the volume off.)

How to Correctly use the Gym Locker Room

There are 2 types of women that don’t use the gym locker room correctly.

ps—I didn’t realize there was an incorrect way to use the locker room?

Oh yeah, there is.

First Group of Incorrect Users
These women walk around totally naked on their cell phones. They occasionally stretch naked or try engage others in conversation while naked. They basically just hang out naked all over the locker room. They make eye contact with people while naked. The key word here is naked, totally naked.

Second Group of Incorrect Users
This group of women have never seen themselves naked and refuse to allow so much as a glimpse of flesh to be exposed to complete strangers in a gym locker room. Ick!! To the tenth degree. They will take all their gear to the toilet stall to change, lest someone see their underwear. They will, in a pinch, even use the shower stalls to change--provided the stalls have curtains. These women, in desperation, will even try to change clothes without removing what they originally have on. One lady attempted to remove her wet swim suit after she got dressed—in jeans.

Now I will provide the correct way to use a gym locker room.

1. Upon entering, find a locker in an area that is not currently crowded. No cozying up to the only other person in there.

2. Get your gear/clothing out.

3. Begin removing your street clothes while keeping your head slightly down. NEVER look around.

4. Quickly put your workout clothes on while not making eye contact with anyone.

5. Stow your gear and get out.

When done, reverse the process however you like, as long as you don’t run around naked or hole up in a toilet or shower stall that someone could be using for, oh say, toileting or showering.

(ha! Toileting! I didn’t want to say peeing or crapping. That’s not classy.)

I will be posting these instructions in the girl’s locker room. Please let me know if the boy’s locker room needs a copy.

The Weekend Cometh

Little princess is leaving tonight for a weekend long camp out with girl scouts. Probably plotting to take over the world thru cookie sales.

Big Daddy is spending all day Saturday doing Habitat for Humanity.

So what's a girl to do with no kids and no husband? I just don't know. But I can tell you it doesn't involve a vacuum cleaner or Formula 409...

Gone for the Holiday

There's nothing I love better than looking for out of the ordinary places to visit. Big Daddy and I talked about leaving town for Labor Day. He suggested the coast. I was like "Yeah, us and 2.3 million other people." (I don't do crowds.) That and the prices are crazy during tourist season. So I suggested Big Bend State Park. Big Daddy was like "ok"... I did some online research to check for a hotel, what to bring, etc. Then I realized, Big Bend is in the desert and I'm already hot enough here at home (its been over 100 degrees for most of the last 2 months), that and I don't feel like carrying my recommended 5 gallons of water and little princess'.

Now what?

Enter Krause Springs, a private park (as opposed to a city, state or national park), only 2 hours away, small enough that most people have never heard of it. Its a camp site with 23 natural springs that feed a swimming pool that overflows to a waterfall that falls into a natural swimming hole and creek, all beautifully landscaped with plenty of picnic tables, grills, a butterfly garden, and 2 windchimes that are like 12 feet long. The springs keep the the water temperature a constant 72 degrees and are not affected by the year long draught that is keeping us from swimming in the lakes and rivers due to low water and high bacteria.

Here's Labor Day paradise:

The spring feed pool overflows to a waterfall.

There is a rope swing and a small cave under the waterfall.

This last pic is shot from the top of the waterfall looking down into the natural swimming hole.