Hell No I Won't Go

We were just briefed on the new office layout. Apparently having a really nice office just isn't good enough. We must strive for fabulous digs. So everyone will move around while construction goes on and then, when everything is marvelous, I have been slated to move next to the only microwave on the floor where some 60 people make breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Conversation between me and my boss:

"What? I have the smelly cube?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You're gonna make me sit in the smelly cube?"

"Smelly cube? What's the smelly cube?"

"The one next to the microwave, that smells of each and every food reheated, all day long."

"Come on, its not that bad."

"Pleeeaaaaasseee, don't...make...me...sit...at...the...smelly...cube."

Don't leave me

I'm a little miffed. I just found out my pastor was invited to a college on the East coast to preach on Palm Sunday.

What the heck?

That's like your parents going on vacation to Disney Land without you. Why can't he go the weekend after Easter? I'm not overly fond of guest preachers. Especially when they come out of your own congregation. They tend to ramble.

Palm Sunday is my favorite holiday. It hasn't been commericalized, no extended family shows up expecting a holiday meal, no presents to be bought. And its a happy holiday with palm fonds and singing. But I won't have my pastor to celebrate with.

I want to yell, "Don't leave me!"

Black. White.

I’ve been watching Black. White. on TV where through Hollywood makeup wizardry two families - one black, one white - swap skin colors to experience life on the other side of the racial divide for six weeks.

I’m not sure either family represents their race entirely (or that any one family could for that matter). But I love the behind the scenes dialog that explains what each race is seeing/thinking.

It was quite interesting that they were able to show a reverse racism when the white woman, her husband dressed as a black man and another black woman went into a black neighborhood. The blacks in the local park were drumming, playing dominos, hanging out. All the three from the show did was walk around, look at wares from the local vendors and yet they were stared down in an evil way that was perceptible to everyone on both sides of the camera. The drumming seemed to intensify as they attempted to make conversation until the three of them were so uncomfortable and fearful for their safety that they left.

The black woman (a neighborhood activist with her finger on the pulse of the community) explained to the couple that the community was pissed about the “apparently” black man bringing his white woman into the neighborhood and that they saw it as a sign of disrespect.

I keep watching each week and wondering over and over if I can only see this show thru my white experiences. Am I unable to see the black perspective due to my skin color? I find myself watching the real world for what the black couple on the show see as racism, and let me tell you, they see it everywhere.

Little princess will attend a brand new middle school this fall. It’s not even finished yet but they are putting together the infrastructure already. I received a notice that we would begin putting together the PTA for this yet to open school during a meeting last night. I assumed the letter went to everyone in the neighborhood expected to have children attending the new school. I thought maybe 200 or so people might show up since the school will enroll approx. 800-1,200. I mean we didn’t have much more information than the new school’s name and parents in my neighborhood like to know stuff. So I thought people would turn out for the PTA building meeting if for nothing else than to meet the staff and pump them for information. (That’s why I was there.)

I walked in to find maybe 35 people (5 of whom were staff for the new school) sitting at tables and chairs in the cafeteria. The first 3 tables were full-of mostly white people with a couple of Hispanics, The fourth table was the same racial make up but it had 2 open seats and was the closest to where I entered the room, so little princess and I sat down.

I began to look around and noticed people sitting at two other tables (tables 5 and 6) across from tables 1-4. These tables had mostly blacks and a couple of Hispanics. As a few more people arrived they either squeezed in at tables 1-4 (which technically had no more empty spaces) or if they were black they immediately went to tables 5 and 6.

I was so distracted by this division of races that I missed some of the new principal’s information that I had specifically come for.

How did this happen? I didn’t consciously make the decision to not sit with the blacks. Many of the women seemed to be sitting in groups of friends, atleast that was the impression I got from the white women. They seemed to know one another and they chatted freely with each other.

Was it the friendship factor that caused the separation of races at the tables? Does this separation of races happen all the time at other functions and I just never noticed?

I know the black family from the show would have pointed and announced yet again, racism was under our noses and we (white people) refused to see it. Yet, no one told the black people to sit apart. Why didn’t they take the last 2 seats at table 4 before I arrived? They were the closest seats. Did anyone else see the division that I saw? Or was it so natural for everyone that it went unnoticed?

Look at that

I noticed that the kids didn’t look out the windows unless the adults said “look at that on the left”. We drove twice this weekend thru the beautiful hill country of Texas and each direction had something new to admire. I saw long horn cattle with a 6’ spread, llamas, a herd of miniature horses, emus, several different kinds of goats, thorough bred horses, odd hill humps that looked out of place, rocky landscape that could have been the surface of the moon, fields of cactus, patches of wild flowers and blue bonnets, rivers and streams and much more. I had to be careful to stay in my own lane as I gawked and drove.

On the way there the three girls (11, 12, and 16 yrs old) sang along to the radio and cds, chatted with each other, played with the dog and gameboy and repeatedly asked me “how much longer?” On the way back they slept and I mean they were almost instantly asleep. We got home and they said “Did we stop for lunch?” I wanted to tell them we stopped and left them in the car sleeping while we went inside and dined without them.

What is it about young people that they don’t notice what’s happening around them? Are they so focused on themselves that they can’t enjoy the journey? Was I the same way? If not, is this a generational gap? Is it because they have been over-loaded with gadgets and games and TV that looking out the window just isn’t interesting any longer. Or is this just a phase we all go thru as we grow up? Were there children in covered wagons not looking at the scenery, moaning “How much farther?”

And they wandered in the wilderness

We are all headed camping for the weekend with the kids from church. I didn't look for anyone to come take care of the animals so we are going to take the dog with us. Everyone else can be left enough food for the approx. 30 hrs we'll be gone.

We've never taken him camping. I figure he'll either keep the racoons away with his scent or he'll keep us up all night keeping the racoons away. Oh well, atleast little princess will have him to keep her warm in the tent since I'm sleeping in the pop-up with a heater. Its supposed to freeze again. Unheard of!

I fell pumping gas (don't ask) and hurt my wrist. I'm pretty sure its just a nasty sprain but it won't be much help this weekend.

We've never been to Inks Lake so hopefully no one will get lost. Hey, we could send the dog out to find them...if they smell like marshmellow.

Because I Said So?

Growing up I longed to shower in the morning so my permed curls would be fresh and bouncy, not mushed from sleeping. But with 5 of us to get ready and only one and a half bathrooms, my mother would not allow it. “Everyone WILL bathe at night” was her decree any time I brought it up. “Why would you want to go to bed dirty?” Mom didn’t like it when you brought up something again after she had rendered a final verdict.

I remember loving the freedom to shower whenever the hell I wanted to after I moved out. I mean, really, did anything wake you up better in the morning than a nice shower. I equated showering at night as something that old people did before they went to bed at 6 pm.

Fast forward 12 plus years.

Big Princess was the first to challenge my “I am the only one who gets to bathe in the morning” rule. So the numbers are down, only four to get ready in the morning, (actually only three as Big Daddy is at work when we get up in the morning) but still only one and a half bathrooms.

Much as my mother, I am Queen of my household and as such, I make the “who gets to shower when” rules. I wasn’t having it. Showering in the morning was mine, all mine. Big Princess looked for loopholes as she is prone to doing. “What if I got up earlier than you and got in and out before you get up?” Ahhh, hello? You get all the hot water and wake me up before my alarm goes off? I think not. Occasionally, for special events, I might relent but usually I was the only one allowed to shower in the morning.

Now fast forward another 5 years or so.

Now the numbers have vastly improved. Its just little princess and I getting ready in one and a half bathrooms. I had been doing a good job of hogging the full bathroom in the morning for almost two decades. Then maybe six months ago, I realized that my long, straight hair had grown so long that I was spending 30 minutes or more blowdrying it each morning and that was really drying my hair out too. So I decided to try washing my hair at night. This turned into a routine of showering every other day at night. When I realized how much time this saved in the morning and I could sleep in a half hour, it became even more routine for me to shower at night.

I knew the day would come. “Mom, can I shower in the morning?”

What’s my excuse now?

Gilligan's Island

Skipper and Gilligan on the bunkbed ladder.

Gilligan is a little green chatterbox and Skipper is a big blue guy. They would probably starve on a deserted island because I can't get them to eat anything but seed. I've tried greens, grasses, dried and fresh fruits and veggies but they won't touch them.

It took me about 6 weeks to finger train them but here lately I haven't worked with them every day and they've become shy. I clipped their wings when I first got them and then let them grow out. Bad idea. They flew laps around the room and wouldn't let us catch them. It took little princess and I like 30 minutes of chasing them around the room before we finally herded them back into their cage. And with 5 cats, its kind of important to get them back safe and sound in their cage. Out came the clippers and now they can only fly one lap around the room.

I love listening to the birdy-boys sing. Apparently I'm the only one. Big Daddy thinks if he covers the cage they'll stop. Not true. Sometimes they get louder when he does this. I also like sneaking in and watching them play with all the toys I've bought them. For some reason they won't play with the toys in front of me. Go figure.

Gilligan is this beautiful bright green color with a tropical blue tail. When he sits on my finger I can feel his body heat thru his tiny feet. Odd, I always imagined birds feet to be cold, but no, they're actually warm and soft. I love the way he cocks his head to get a look at me. It makes him look like he's interested in the babble coming out of my mouth. We both know better.

Reverse Gift of the Magi

So Big Princess comes home and finds out the remote to the TV in their bedroom is lost and that you can't change the channels or adjust the volume without it. She tells little princess that she'll buy a remote if little princess will pay half. The week cruises along and Big Princess starts packing up for school. "Hey, little princess, you owe me $8 for the remote."
"I never agreed to that!"
"Fine, I'll just take it to school with me. I can use it for my TV in the dorm."
"Whatever!"

We return home from our little day trip and Big Princess has already left for school. Little princess goes in her room and turns on the TV. She comes running out...
"Mom, Big Princess left it on the Spanish channel with the volume all the way up."
"Hey, that's between you two."

Later that night Big Princess calls to let me know she arrived at school safely.
"Hey mom, can you do me a favor?"
"What dear?"
"Would you look up the remote code for my TV at school?"
"Ask your sister."
"But mom, she said she'd pay for half.."
"That's between you two."

Scared the puke out of her

I took off work today to do something with the princesses on the last official day of Spring Break. We very carefully weighed the options. Its not easy to get 3 girls to agree. Its gotta be cool enough for Big Princess to go, fun enough to get little princess' yes, and inexpensive enough for my budget.

We finally agreed to Ripley's haunted house downtown. We've never been, its pretty scary and we had a buy one, get one free coupon. Win, win, win.

We slept in, casually got ready, everyone ate and we left the house around 11:30 am. No sooner than we get in line for tickets, little princess has to pee. "Can't you hold it? We should be done in less than one hour." No she can't, so we leave the line and head down the block to the visitors center. Back to the ticket booth and then stand in line about 20 minutes before we board the freaky cart to the second floor. From there its a walking tour.

I thought it was a pretty good haunted house but you were supposed to keep one hand on the shoulder in front of you at all times. We were the last three in the group and the person in front must have been running because it was all I could do to keep up and see anything. There were about 4 boys between 7-10 yrs old with their dad and they were really scared, actually crying.

Little princess was scared but not panicking. I'd let my hands slide off her shoulder and she'd scream. Towards the end there was a room that appeared to have just a single wooden plank you had to walk across an open space. I panicked and didn't think I could do it. (fear of heights) Everyone left (I was the last person) and I had to run to catch up after I worked up the nerve to cross. I was actually behind one of the actors that was chasing the group at this point. I could hear my girls screaming for everyone to stop that they had lost me. Then we get to the last room and you have to walk across a narror bridge and the entire room is spinning and throwing off your equaliberim. I come across and little princess is bent over saying she's going to puke.

Well...she says this quite a bit for dramatic effect so I didn't really think she would. Suddenly, she's projectile vomitting in the haunted house. We tried to tell the actor but I don't know if he believed us because he stepped right in it. We felt bad for the groups behind us in the house.

Don't worry, she's fine. The excitement and the spinning room just caused her to toss the egg salad she had for breakfast.

Texas Truth

This might be a universal truth but I guarantee it to be true in Texas.

Grill BBQ ribs in your front yard and you will provoke conversation with anyone within a 4 block radius.

The young guy next door that pretends like we're invisible asked "What time's dinner?" A guy walking his dog from the other side of the block asked "How can I get an invitation?" The people down the street asked little princess if they could have any leftovers. It went on and on. I must have talked to 10 different people.

BBQ beef ribs, salad, baked potato, and "Incredible" chocolate cake. Life doesn't get much better.

ps. There were only 2 ribs left over and Big Daddy ate them for breakfast.

Pushing and Pulling

Big Princess and I are in the middle of, well, finding middle ground. She’s not a child. She’s a little more than 6 months from leaving the title teenager behind.

Mostly adult, with tinges of silly girl around the edges.

She’s been away at college for the better part of seven months. Living, more or less, on her own. Making her own rules, bedtimes, cleaning schedules. Deciding when she’ll work, when and what she’ll eat, with whom and how she’ll spend her time.

BAM! Then she’s back in my house, with my rules and schedules.

She jokingly said, “Hey, I’m a guest in your home. Ya’ll should serve me.” She laughed until she saw I wasn’t. I wanted to remind her that a guest wouldn’t leave dirty clothes and wet towels all over the floor or feel free to fart at will.

It’s a fine line that we are balancing. Me, trying to loosen the reins of childhood. Her, trying to stretch those reins even further. Me, still demanding respect and fair work distribution amongst the members of the family. Her, seeing how far she can push towards doing what she wants within my boundaries.

So far its a beautiful ballet...

And the roads are cleared for take-off

I almost hate to take a vacation day during Spring Break. The traffic is almost nil. I can make the 8 miles from home to work in 8 minutes. Seems a waste to stay home and miss perfect driving conditions. I think I'll risk it later this week.

Blindsided

I'm not sure when it happened exactly, but one day I realized I wasn't going to be famous. I wasn't going to be a movie star, sing lead for a rock band, or be the girl that rides on the back of horses at the circus, or any of those things that kids dream about. It was pretty harsh to come to grips with the fact that I'm past the window of opportunity for those things. I'm probably not going to be rich or a rocket scientist either.

I didn’t plan to join the Army, get married, or work in the natural gas industry. I just let life happen to me. This is not a path I would recommend if you want to achieve any of those childhood dreams or run for president. And I’m sure those that know me find this terribley ironic since I’m such an annal planner with my lists and check lists. I put twice the planning into a long weekend get-away than I ever did my life. That makes me sad.

Don’t get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with where my life has taken me, it’s just kind of hard to believe that some things are not possible in my life anymore. The weird thing is, I don't really care. I’m not mourning my “what could have beens”. I've got a new set of goals that I would have never thought of in my youth:

Walking with God,
Keeping love in my marriage,
Guiding my daughters on paths of wisdom,
Doing the small things in life that matter the most.

My Half-Page Thesis

A recent Gallup Poll shows about 53% of Americans reject the theory of evolution as the explanation for the origin of humans. Instead, they believe God created humans at one time as is, the survey showed. About 31% of respondents said they believe humans evolved, but God guided the process.

Only 1.2% said they believe the scientific theory of evolution and God had no part.

And yet that’s what the schools teach our children for the better part of 12 years. They cater to the 1.2% and it makes the 53% mad.

But it’s not the schools’ job to teach my child religion; that privilege belongs to me and my community of believers.

So what should the schools tell children when they study the origins of life? “Go ask your Mom”? “We don’t know”?

I’m no theology graduate so don’t look to me for fancy ideas or theories that will make your head hurt to think about. And so far I’ve kept one (very small) step ahead of my girls’ questions, with only the occasional “I don’t know, let’s find out”.

The girls were both taught the big bang theory in school but neither of them believe it. Little princess says “this can’t ALL be an accident.” And yet they will argue to the death over some punctuation that their English teacher said was proper.

In conclusion, I believe that if the schools were to teach religion, children would no longer believe that God made the Sun & Moon, heavens and earth, grass and plants, nor animals and mankind. And I could get away with putting semi colons anywhere I pleased; without an argument from the children.

Unexpected Bonus

I was looking for something in my purse and found the grocery receipt from two weeks ago and the last line caught my eye, Bakery $42.10. There isn’t anything in the bakery that costs that much so I ran to Wal-Mart at lunch and they gave me back $42.10.

Yesterday I managed to find all the medical back up paperwork, insurance forms and copies of bills to submit to my flexdirect account for reimbursement of close to $300.

Then I called my surgeon’s office and got a refund of $92 from my surgery in Dec. (I’m betting he would have never just sent it if I hadn’t called.)

I am expecting any day atleast two American Express cards for $50/ea. from my Cingular phone purchases at Christmas and one from AT&T for signing up for DSL.

Big Princess arrives Friday with her monthly payment for cell phone and truck insurance.

Some where there is a fortune cookie with my name on it that says "you will find lost money in the near future".

I forgot the down side to finding money, new unexpected bills pop up. I opened a note from the mortgage company saying the escrow is $255 short--please send a check. And we still owe $175 on Big Daddy's MRI of his knee. I'm just buying time with small monthly payments until I can get the money out of the flex direct account. And while at Wal-mart during lunch I remembered we're out of cat food. I got home to find the annual pest control bill for termites…

{Sigh}

Thanks for forgiving me

I just had a fabulous meal with my pastor's family, sans pastor. It was a little odd to have him missing since he did invite me but the real purpose of the meal was for 1st sister to learn to think in terms of vegetarian meal. She gave up meat last year for Lent and then never really went back. Her family still eats meat so she's been left to snack on side dishes and eat power bars. Its not their fault, they still hope she'll come back to the land of meat but instead she's gathering converts in the form of a family friend and middle sister.

Big Princess and I teased her unmercifully in the beginning and she's really not gotten much help in getting it right. I've been studying up on it lately and I can't believe all the meat stuff in things you'd never dream of...like fast food french fries are seasoned with beef, gummy bears are out for the most part and jello is a beef by-product. Who knew?

Well I felt bad because I had been so hard on her, so I want to make amends. I've taken her shopping at the health food store and try to bring something she can eat to church get togethers. And I think her family sees the light with me because they are going to try going "veg" one night a week together as a family.

That's what tonight was about.

She, her boyfriend and her mom made a fabulous dinner of garlic lemon spinach salad, spicy wagon wheel pasta and stir-fried green beans. I brought the dessert. We were all amazed that the little kids didn't make a fuss or complain. They just gently moved the food about and ate all the bread on the table.

I really didn't mean to be mean back in the beginning but we all thought it was just a phase and maybe it still is. A really long phase.

Mantra

Little princess' new excuse.

What's it all mean?

Last night I had a really bizarre dream that woke me up nightmare style.

I was gypsy like, wandering around with several kids. I had this sense that Satan was following me, tormenting me. Finally, I was in a convenience store, in line to pay for something and I became frantic and couldn't take being tomented by Satan any longer. I felt like I was moments from death. I grabbed the arm of the woman in front of me who had just finished paying. I begged her to pray for me. She said ok and started to leave and I grabbed her arm again and told her she didn't understand. "You need to pray for me right now or I might not make it." I wondered frantically if she would. I knew I seemed crazy, insane. She put her hand on my shoulder and prayed. I felt tremendous relief and woke up breathing like I'd run a race.

Ready, Set, Go!

My husband and my kids, heck the dog is probably in on it too, have a weekly race to see how many groceries they can eat within 24 hours of shopping. It’s nothing to be out of food by Monday.

I usually grocery shop on Saturday’s. I buy something special for Sunday dinner, maybe butterfly porkchops or something gourmet and something special for dessert too.

Then comes the stuff for school lunches, drink pouches, individual cookie and jello packs. You know, stuff to make it easy enough for them to pack their own lunches.

Then I shop for my husband. He has to have Gatorade for work, 2 bottles per day. He likes breakfast sandwiches for break-time at work, 1 large box. He needs high calorie snacks to maintain his weight, so bags of his favorite cookies, TV dinners, boxes, of cereal, oatmeal pies, ice cream.

The smallest portion of my grocery list is stuff for dinner all week and a couple of frozen meals for my lunch.

I get home after spending anywhere between $150-$200, bring it in, put it away, close the last cupboard and …the RACE IS ON!

Usually within minutes, cookies are opened, cereal is eaten. Then comes the covert operations of eating it without me seeing them. So much so that when I begin making Sunday dinner I sometimes don’t have what I was planning to make.

“Where the hell are the strawberries I just bought yesterday? ”

“Oh, did you need those? I ate them at 3 am this morning.”

“All of them? They haven't been in this house for 12 hours yet. So what am I supposed to do with the shortcakes I’ve already made for strawberry shortcake?”

“Just leave them on the counter, I’ll get to them.”

Then come Monday morning…

“Mom, can I have some money for lunch?”

“No, go make your lunch.”

“I can’t there’s nothing out there…”