Tonight's the night

Little princess is jazzed about tick-or-treating tonight and it doesn't even matter its supposed to rain. When you're a surfer girl you can stand to get wet. She says on the plus side, a lot of other kids won't be out in the neighborhood and she'll get three times the candy. This is the first year Big Princess won't be going with us. I always told her she could trick-or-treat for as many years as she wanted, provided she was willing to go with her family. I wasn't going to allow her roving with a band of teenagers. So after 18 years her reign of dressing up is over. I asked if she was going at college and she said most people there believed you were in league with the devil if you even passed out candy.

Some of her best costumes were Pizza Hut Delivery Guy, she had a pizza box to collect the candy, the year both girls were hula dancers and I stuffed my bikini tops with socks for them both, the year Big Princess wore my Army BDU's and they fit!

A warning to those that pass out crappy candy, we know where you live and we remember! There's the guy on the corner that passes out generic soda cans that weigh down the candy bag and the lady that gives raisins and the house that gives re-cycled Easter candy with Sonic mints thrown in and all the rest of you that give unedibles like pencils or spider rings or that junk that comes in black and orange waxed paper. What is that crap?

To the few and far between that rock the candy bag with full sized candy bars, my daughter promises to retreive your trash cans when they blow down the street, personally deliver miss delivered Christmas cards, wave and shout hello everytime she sees you, not to thrown gum wrappers and other trash in your yard when the trash can is right there, and to shoo pooping dogs from your yard. All that for the price of a full sized candy bar.

My dog is going as spiderman and my ferret is going as a fairy princess. I'm just planning on being me....ohhhh scary!

Didn't think it was possible

I used to think you couldn't have a friend you've never met. I mean how can you truly have a relationship with someone you've never met, or even spoken to?

By definition a friend is a person you know well and regard with affection and trust, an acquaintance with whom you have a type of interpersonal relationship. The Anglo-Saxon word was originally derived from a verb form meaning, literally, beloved, or, one who is loving.

Can you do this with out face time or ear time?

What if you two were so alike as to consider the possibility of being twins, separated at birth? What if you shared the funniest, saddest, scariest, happiest moments from your whole life with each other? What if you accepted the differences and opinions of the other without judgment? What if you brought out the best in each other and made each other want to be even better?

Would you then be friends?

Don't do your kids any favors

There was a serious wreck in front of our building last week. The sports car hit a tree and pinned the teen driver in the wreckage for about an hour. The building maintenance guy said the driver's shoulder was crushed and that he grabbed a metal pole and tried to raise the roof enough to get it off the boy. Here's the real kicker: The red sports car was brand new, still had temporary paper plates, his back window still read "Happy 16th Birthday" on broken glass, and his passenger was his 14 year old brother. They were on their way to what I like to call the "rich" high school.

What has a sixteen year old truly done to earn a sports car? I'll tell you: Nothing!

Little princess asked me again when she would get a cell phone. My answer is the same every year she has asked me, "when you have the income to pay the monthly bill, just like your sister". This is the 4th year I've told her this. She actually has friends who have had a cell phone since 3rd grade. What the hell for?

So their parents know where they are? Hello, its called caring enough to know before your child is out of sight where they're going and with who. Why do these kids need to have a phone a school? Columbine? Did that start this trend?

I see these kids and they don't respect their parents or the gifts lavished upon them. They are greedy disrepectful brats that think they should be given even more.

When either of the princesses start in about so-n-so's parents brought them this or gave them that, I just tell them "Well, I guess their parents don't love them as much as I love you."

I want them to know what its like to deserve what they earn. Oh, I thoroughly plan to help them achieve whatever their hearts desire--but I'm not giving them anything on a platter.

Now where did that roll come from?

The dog watched me carefully this morning as I rummaged in the garage for the ferret carrier (different from the cat carrier). I made a trip out to the minivan to take my daytimer, purse, bottle of water, gym bag and then went back inside to load the ferrets for a trip to the vet. I come out and Davie is in the 3rd back seat hunkered down like I can't see him (he weighs 85 lbs). He must think he is very clever as he usually sits up front as co-pilot.

Let me just say that Davie gets to go one of two places, out for ice cream or to the vet and he's always the optimist. Secondly, he gets jealous, like an ignored husband who’s wife likes to flirt. He’s been known to snap at any pet he deems to be getting too much affection from me.

I call him to get out. He flattens out a little more. I yell at him to get out. He closes his eyes and pretends he's invisible. I go back inside and come back with a dinner roll. “Come on Davie, here boy, come!” No dice, he's not moving. I move closer and think "if I let him have a small bite, then he'll come out to get the rest". He sniffs it, licks it, but won't take a bite. I throw the roll into the middle of the front yard and ponder my next move.

I get my keys and drive him around the block. We pull back into the drive way, I open the side door and out he pops like he's happy to be home. He makes a move for the roll on the way inside. I drop kick the roll into the neighbor's yard.

Now who actually won this battle, me or Davie?

Smile for the Camera

Its kinda weird to have some woman manipulating your breasts for you. That and the fact that she tweaks your nipple to put a bandaid over your nipple that has a metal rivet in the middle of it. We had a cold snap last night (38 degrees) and since I was first patient of the day, I have to say she was kind to use a heating pad on the plates before she mashed my breasts.

And so ends the mammogram.

The Crazy Crack Whore strikes again

Little princess just called to let me know she's home from school... and that the Crazy Crack Whore neighbor was abusing 3 kittens so little princess brought them home. Who's Crazy Crack Whore you ask? I haven't mentioned the woman who stole yard ornaments from my house last Christmas? I had witnesses and filed a police report, the the crazy women actually put the 4' tall brass dragonfly in her yard. The cops still wouldn't do anything because my name wasn't on it. Well, Big Princess went down Christmas Eve around 2 am and pulled it out of her yard and brought it home. Whereas I promptly wrote my name on everything in my yard.

But I digress. According to little princess the woman was throwing the rather tiny kittens into the air and watching them hit the ground. I cautioned her that if they belonged to the woman little princess would be guilty of theft. She said she checked with another neighbor who said they were born in the neighborhood and belonged to no one.

Great my daughter and her tender heart are probably about to cost me some hefty vets bills and another round with the Crazy Crack Whore.

Who taught her to care about righting evil...

Career Paths for Princesses

Little princess said, “When I’m President, I’m gonna make it so you only have to work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of each week. I’m gonna be the first woman President.”

I explained that she was probably going to have to go to law school then since most presidents were first attorney’s who got into politics. I further explained why although she can be anything she wants when she grows up, she would hate the job. “Law school takes a long time and lots of money, then being a lawyer takes long hours, no short work weeks, and being President has got to be the hardest job on the planet. You basically work 24 hours a day, even on vacations you have to work.” To which she replied, “Never mind, I’ll just be a model/missionary.”

Its funny because Big Princess also wanted to be the first woman President. She even made election buttons in 5th grade. She also thought she wanted to be a lawyer. Not to discourage her but to show her the reality of it, when she was around 15 years old I sent her to spend a day with a friend who practices law. He let her sit in on a disposition and some meetings with his clients' permission. She came home and said, “That’s the most boring crap I’ve ever seen, never mind.”

Its cool that the girls don’t doubt that they could be President but I wonder what draws them to that conclusion. Surely they aren’t power hungry at the tender age of ten. It’s probably age related. That whole age of enlightenment when they are discovering they can control their destiny and the possibilities for girls today are endless.

But in the end they both want to pursue traditional female jobs. Big Princess is in college to become an art teacher and little princess wants to be a model or actress with a minor in missionary work. I’m imagining Angelina Jolie. At the same time both say they don’t want to be mothers. Big Princess says after her little sister, she’s afraid she’d have kids like little princess. And little princess says she might ruin her figure and her modeling career. Ha! Both of them crack me up and I can't resist throwing out that the only 100% way to remain childless is abstinence. I just love the look on Big Princess' face anytime I bring up sex in any fashion.

I just tell them we’ll see… we’ll see. I’m betting they’ll change their minds when they fall in love.

Getting Old Sucks

Man, I knew when you turned 40 your body would start wearing out but who knew it would happen so soon. My jaw seems to be out of alignment. My teeth don’t meet and my jaw aches. What’s up with that?

I’ve been getting little water blisters on my hands, usually on the pads of the palm of my hands but even on my fingers. Little tiny blisters that hurt. My dermatologist gave me steroid lotion and said to use it on my hands but don’t get on your face. That is very hard. Do you know how many times a day you touch your face. The lotion fixes the problem but doesn't solve it. It's treating not curing.

I’ve got a lump on my eye lid or maybe my eye, I can’t tell. I got it the day we returned from the beach and first attributed it to the Red Tide. My eye swelled closed for 2 days and now I’m left with a lump, slightly smaller than a pencil eraser.

I saw my ob/gyn for an annual exam this summer and we agreed to schedule a routine mammogram since I’d soon be 40. She gave me the paperwork and said to schedule it in September so that the insurance company would pay (as I would be “over 40”). I’ve been putting it off. My outlook calendar reminds me daily with a ding and a pop up window, “Get a mammogram”. I just keep clicking reschedule. Well, I decided yesterday to finally make the call for the appointment. The receptionists asks me a series of questions to determine how fast I need to be seen. “No, no lumps or biopsies, no discharge, no anything else.” Then she asks me to read off the doctor’s orders.

Wait, what the hell. Its says “diagnosis: fibrocystic breast, bilateral mammography & ultrasound of right & left breasts, additional views or sono as necessary”. I get an appointment in less than 1 week. None of that sounds routine and yet I can’t for the life of me remember us discussing anything abnormal.

Guess my memory is going too…

Seeing only the good parts

Some times, when I go back and look at vacation pictures I forget all the hard work involved in going on the trip, the unpacking afterwards or even the crappy parts during the trip. In these 2 pictures we got up to watch the sun rise over the gulf but you can't see the red tide or the icky dead stuff that washed up because of it. Nope, in these pictures you just see the relaxation of a brief vaction that makes us want to go back no matter how much we bitched while we were there.

The condensed version

I drove thru towns called:
Buda
Dime Box
Kyle
Jimmy Down
Elroy

I saw the sun come up. I sat in meetings. I ate BBQ. I saw Big Princess. I watched the sun go down. I enjoyed Survivor.

Now I sleep.

Rated R-Don't make me say it again

I like sex.

Now why aren’t women supposed to say that? Men can say it anywhere anytime but women should only say that in Cosmo or Playboy. I can’t believe I’m the only women that likes sex. I’m probably one of the few willing to say it in polite company.

As a teenager I was afraid I might die a virgin. I’m betting that’s a reoccurring theme of adolescence. Sure I wanted love and to be loved but then there was the sex (and it was good). I probably didn’t spend as much time as men thinking about sex but I was thinking about it often. Not to the degree of freaks on Jerry Springer mind you.

As I’ve aged (gracefully) I still like sex (ha, I said it again). But there always seems to be some part of the life cycle interfering with sex. As a teen my virginity was in the way. After that, the inability to get it when you wanted and by whom you wanted it with balanced against your reputation and keeping safe from disease. Ahhh, marriage would surely change that. When you’re married you can have sex all the time, right? I never dreamed I or my husband would be too tired for sex or too busy for sex. Raising babies and climbing the corporate ladder will take it out of you.

Then comes the apathy. I call this the “Sure we like sex but” part of life. I mentioned my wedding anniversary (a sure bet in a guy’s mind) and what about the other 364 days of the year. My husband didn’t even woo me on a sure bet night.

Why do we feel we can stop trying? This is the beginning of the death of a marriage. But it’s the easiest to correct and the quickest. Don’t wait for a holiday to woo your partner or you may be too late.

Sick Days aren't just for the Sick

Have you ever called work and said you were sick but the reality is you just can’t take the rat race on this particular day? Sure you have, and surveys shows you have plenty of company.

The local paper took a survey and 68% said they had called in sick and instead played hooky. That’s 7 out of 10 people and I know those other 3 people. They are the one’s monitoring what time you leave work on Friday afternoons when the boss is already gone.

I like to call it a “Mental Health Day”. You don’t have specific plans to justify using vacation time. You aren’t running a fever or coughing but you just can’t face the office place.

I like to take my Mental Health Day when it rains. Nothing heals better than saying I’m sick and staying home on a grey drizzily day, laying on the sofa napping and watching reruns of Family Matters and Home Improvement.

Still others can’t resist the perfect sunny day. Calling in and using the voice (come on, you know the one I’m referring to) to sucker your boss out of a mini vacation. I imagine them sunbathing the afternoon away.

Are we cheating our employers? I don’t think so if you aren’t doing it all the time. I limit myself to once per year and I think the benefits outweigh the cost of a day off.

After all, I was kind of sick... sick of working.

No Plans

I made a split second decision Sunday at church or maybe God was sending instructions, I don’t know, but I pretty much demanded that I be allowed to take the 2 teenagers from one of our “Katrina families” for the afternoon.

The mother and daughter, "A" (college freshman) had just returned the day before from New Orleans where they discovered they really have nothing. They were truly optimistic before leaving that they would be recovering their belongings, clothes, musical instruments, appliances, etc. They returned with what remains their greatest earthly treasure, photos. All that’s left of their previous life. The house they owned, unlivable, the instruments, appliances, ruined, the clothing, ruined beyond repair.

I had no plan but to distract them for an afternoon and to give their mom and the couple they are all staying with some quiet down time.

We went home, had some lunch and kicked around ideas. JP (high school freshman) wanted only to watch football, his former home team was playing. I know A likes art and suggested the art museum and just for kicks offered to take her to the Snake Farm (our road side attraction). She seemed excited about the Snake Farm so I threw out the Wild Animal Refuge. Next thing I know little princess wants to go (she was willing to skip the art museum) and JP is willing to leave the game since his team is losing and join us.

The four of us had a great time, laughter being the primary noise in the vehicle.

I probably would have gone home, done some chores, watched some TV, maybe a nap. So my Sunday of no plans developed into a plan on the fly, and it was good.

To all of you: sometimes you just have to listen to that little voice in your head, don’t worry about the chores of life and just do it. For more fun, do it with someone.

What about the other 364 days?

Friday was my wedding anniversary and I wasn’t in the mood.

Maybe it was PMS or the overcast day. I’m generally worn out by Friday night and I just didn’t feel like celebrating. I think Big Daddy got the picture. I came home with a card and asked him to pick up some dinner. I was asleep by 8:30 pm.

He was on vacation all week. He could have taken me to lunch once or made dinner once. I don’t know… he seems to think we only need to celebrate the actual anniversary of the day we married almost two decades ago. My point… we are married 364 other days of the year. Try making one of them special too.

Bless my soul

Finally! My soul feels renewed.

You might think this would take prayer or maybe even therapy but no. The temperature dropped to 55 degrees last night and we slept with the windows open and the breeze blowing over me. (Not bad considering it was 104 degrees last week.)

I always get the feeling that its God's breath caressing my soul. I long for this feeling of peace all summer.

It was all the more special that Twinkie slept with me all night, curled tight to my side for warmth.

Your personal invitation

I haven't had the time or thought process to write. That makes me sad. I have no topic that strikes my fancy at this point. But I encourage you to join me in my sadness.

Not there on your own yet? Here read this:
http://www.michaelmain.com/2005/10/one-familys-story-partially-told_02.html

Sadness leads to hope...